Hide-out

I am a traveller ,

catching feelings - matching feelings

Differing thoughts - what not 

Concise words , precise notions , calculated emotions 

Measured laughs , designated smiles 

Handful of talks , treasured secrets 

I ought to spill everything out 

But whom? But who? But how? But how? 

Now i lie , 

I am glittered in gold , painted in pain

Standing on my strongest 

Shallow inside , hollow on the heart 

Broken hearted , with stolen smiles ;

painted faces - painful faces 

I used to be a writer but my pen disagreed to write -

about myself 

a dancer but my steps started to stumble , i stopped

a  singer but my rhythms didnt tune well , i stopped

An artist but i painted myself ugly , i stopped

Again !

Stopped and moved , marched and  marched .

Forward with things i had left behind

With nothing , to nowhere

All emptied and emptiness

With them - to them 

They see my perfectly crafted face , they love my beautifully painted smiles 

But who sees the stains? 

The colours i used to paint ?

But who sees those ugly marks ? Who sees them ? 

This ugliness and dullness my heart possess

I see drops of rain and i turn happy 

I feel air against my cheeks , feel content, turn merry

Happiness comes in pieces , they say 

Mine lies in stones and rivers 

Giant !

aren't they? 

I stare i stare i gaze 

I see mountains and skies and they make me wonder 

How fortunate to have them through these eyes 

Stored for ever and ever and ever 

Untouched  , unkept , unsought 

My memories , my treasures 

I run into clouds , i seek for a hideout 

Run away from responsibilities

Run away from you , from me , from them 

Run away , far far and far

Far enough to be free from you , from me , from them

I want to travel places 

But not cities , just plain grounds 

Photograph  them , view them through my heart, 

To see whats beneath ocean , beyond horizons and above clouds 

I want to know people , the unknown 

Listen them ,  the unheard

See their eyes , feel them and take their pains with me 

Its what i feel , like always , since always

I cry with them , their pain feels like mine 

Their smiles speak to me , 

Hide and seek it is , my life , my fortune 

Hiding from storms , seeking shelter 

Hiding from you , seeking my soul , seeking myself 

Through windows - of desires , of belongingness , of you

What has to become of this poor girl , this unfortunate bird 

The bird with no wings , but wings of hopes , wings of life

The bird , with nowhere to go but everywhere to be